Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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