I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
3 2 1 whiskey
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
