you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
