Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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