yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
