Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
