I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
