I want to have your abortion
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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