I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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