Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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