She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Where did you get a picture of my penis
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
