i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
