i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
