My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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