There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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