Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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