Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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