If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
