I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
