i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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