the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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