I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
