If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
