there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize