my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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