My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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