how can u be prego again
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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