I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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