Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
