Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
