Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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