Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
