From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
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