she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
