is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
