There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
