Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
bring money and cleavage
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize