Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
