Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
