I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
