Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
