If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
