Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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