those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
