he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
