You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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