she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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