You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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