just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
