we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
