as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We are all done wearing pants today
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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