cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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