Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Fuck appropriateness.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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