a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize