You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
