please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
