I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
