i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize