Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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