Porn is love you can see.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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