I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
