I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Randomize
