so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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