White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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