I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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