She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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