what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
