I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
