it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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