my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
