He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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