I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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