I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
