I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
