Hey man sorry I got all grabby
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
