Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
