i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
