she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
