I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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