you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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