An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
