Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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