I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
