just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Randomize
