I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
