Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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