We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize