I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
