My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize