If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
