Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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