you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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