Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
