Cold hands, warm shart.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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