i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize