I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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