turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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