I wish I only lived at night.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
