when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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