At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
