What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
