I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
