thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
we should paint friendship bongs
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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