my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize