where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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