Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
