im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
