Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
