Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
